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Guys, let’s play!

Drawing of a naked guy masturbating

Guys, let’s masturbate! That’s right. This page is fully devoted to you, your body, and the search for that amazing feeling called orgasm. But let’s not rush into it. There’s a whole lot of ground to cover. Whether it’s jerking off, humping, or using toys, we’re going to do it all, slowly, and it’s going to feel amazing. Here’s all you’ve ever needed to know about masturbation. 

Want to read the girl version of this post? Here it is!

Chances are, when you read this, you already consider yourself a masturbation professional. Or maybe you’ve tried it a few times, and you wonder how others do it. Or maybe you haven’t tried it at all. Whatever your experience, there’s still plenty of stuff you may not know or may not have realized just yet. We’re going to dive deep into the amazing world of masturbation, because let’s make this crystal clear once and for all: it’s perfectly normal, it’s perfectly natural, and it’s perfectly delicious. 

What is an orgasm? 

Let’s start at the end, shall we? Even more so than when girls play around, guys aim for that one mystical thing: an orgasm. It’s just how we’re wired. We may edge, we may try really hard to make it last as long as possible, but in the end, all we want is to reach that climax that feels so damn-damn-damn good. 

The male orgasm has a purely evolutionary goal. Basically, it’s how we create offspring. It’s how we make sure our genes are passed on to future generations, to make sure the bloodline continues. Every male creature in the world, whether it’s man, beast, or plant, has a deep urge to procreate. When a man has an orgasm, he shoots millions of sperm cells out of his body. When those are caught by a female creature, she can use them to set in motion the greatest wonder of evolution: making babies. That’s all on her, though. Your job is done the second those sperms leave your body. 

According to Merriam-Webster, an orgasm is “the rapid pleasurable release of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in the male and by vaginal contractions in the female”. In other words: it’s like the explosion of happy feelings at the end of sex. That “ejaculation of semen” is key to the story, as it’ll be the things giving you those tingly sensations. 

Just like the female orgasm, the male orgasm comes in different shapes and sizes – although they’re usually a lot more alike. Basically, at some point after getting an erection, when enough stimulae have been applied, you’re will cum. It can happen after seconds or hours, but it will happen eventually. One jealous-making thing about the female orgasm that ours lacks, is the ability to keep going after it happened. Guys usually need a moment or two before they can get an erection again. But hey, that just makes it all the more special, doesn’t it? 

Sexual arousal

It all starts with sexual arousal. Luckily, guys tend to have a lot less issues with getting exited than some girls do. However, we basically have the same sensitive spots in our body, called erogene zones. Obviously, there’s the area around your penis, but there’s also the nipples, the inner thighs, the anus, the armpits, the earlobes, the neck, the cheeks, the feet, the toes… basically, every part of your body is screaming: please, touch me, I want to be aroused! 

When a guy gets excited, a few things happen. Most notably, he gets an erection. More blood than usual will flow towards your penis, causing it to swell. This is a good thing, again with an evolutionary twist: a longer, straighter, harder penis will be much easier to stick inside a girl than a flaccid one. The next time you find yourself having a boner, you can see it was a way for your body to be telling you: I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for some sex

You may also experience your nipples getting harder and your entire body getting more sensitive to touch. When you get closer to getting an orgasm, your testicles may even pull back from your sack, up to the point that you don’t even know where they are any more. All of this is just your body getting ready to spread the love. 

Jerking off

The most common way for a guy to masturbate is jerking off. It’s using your hand to mimic the feeling of being inside a girl’s vagina (even though it hardly feels the same). It’s just a matter of moving your hand up and down the shaft, which should start feeling really good at some point in time, if it doesn’t right from the get-go already. 

Guys with an uncut penis will be pulling the foreskin back and forth over the glans, the most sentive part of your penis. The pressure differential and the skin-on-skin movement allow the nerve endings in the glans to send happy signals all the way to the brain. 

Cut guys tend not to have enough foreskin left to fully (if at all) cover the glans, so they have to use other means of skin-on-skin. Usually, an exposed glans on a cut penis is less sensitive than a covered one, which makes it easier to touch directly. Cut guys may feel the need to use a lubricant to make it feel as good as it can, but some are sensitive enough that they barely even have to touch the glans. This is all a matter of trial and error: eventually, you’ll figure out what feels best, and stick with that. 

Humping

Masturbation can also be done hands-free. Basically, any soft structure can double as your very own alternative for a vagina (but again, none of them feel as good as the real deal). You can use a pillow, a blanket, a pile of clothes, a towel… if you’re into American Pie movies, you may even be willing to try an apple pie, but I have to strongly suggest against it 😉 

The nice thing about humping is that you can get used to your basic sex positions. It takes some getting used to holding your body over a girl’s, and practicing on a pillow can help you a lot for when you trade it for an actual person. 

Toys

When we talk about sex toys, we usually think about dildos and vibrators for girls, but there’s more and more sex toys for guys on the market, too. Basically, there are two kinds. 

The first one is the – let’s just say it like it is – fake pussy. It’s a tube with a coft coating inside, that’s made to resemble the inside of a girl’s vagina (or mouth, or ass). You may have heard of the Fleshlight, which is easily the most recognizable and best-known sex guy for guys. It’s the shape of a large flashlight (hence the name), but inside, there’s all kinds of delicious gooey silicones. It may not be as good as the real thing, but it sure as hell is getting close. There’s many more brands and many more iterations, but the main gist the same on all of them: if you don’t have actual pussy nearby, get something that feels just like it. You can even go and make your own, by using wet towels or sponges and putting them in a solid container. Be creative, I’m sure you have plenty of stuff lying around within arm’s reach. 

The second type of toy is the vibrating kind. Whereas vibrators for girls are mainly created to actually make the climax, the purpose of male vibrators is usually to enhance the feeling of the orgasm. To make it more powerful, if you will. The cock ring is the most notable example, but there are many more versions imaginable. Having said that, there’s nothing stopping you from actually trying out a “normal” vibrator, especially when you’re fairly sensitive down there. The results may surprise you! 

Cum

Something most girls (there are definitely some) don’t have to worry about too much, is what happens after the orgasm. We do, since – at least for a solid amount of years during our sexual active period in life – we’re the ones shooting the baby material inside the girl. Or, when there’s no girl around: anywhere else. This can be a bit of a problem, because the stuff is sticky, it’s wet, and it can easily turn pants and sheets into a bit of a mess. 

The easiest way to hide the evidence (I mean, it’s totally normal to masturbate, but we don’t want mom to know exactly when we do it, right?) is to wash it away like we do with other stuff we don’t need any more: we flush them down the toilet, pour down down the sink, or even watch them vortex down the shower drain. This is a great way of dealing with the sticky stuff, but it’s not always the most fun way. 

You can also try to catch it and get rid of it at a later moment. Socks are notorious for a reason: they feel great and they work very well, but bear in mind that they are notorious after all, and a warm, wet, or even hardened sock in the laundry bin may raise suspicion. Tissues are great for the purpose, as are towels, boxershorts, and, why the hell not, condoms. 

The last option is to just let it all go. You don’t have to worry about it if you don’t want to. Just go for broke, shoot all over your belly, hands, legs, sheets, anywhere. Just make sure you clean up after yourself. 

Positions

Just like regular one-on-one sex, masturbation can be done in a variety of positions, too. Lying on your back is the most natural one, and it does help with containing the results of your orgasm as most of it will be on yourself intead of on something else. If you’re a real shooter, though, be careful not to give yourself a nice little facial – unless you’re into that stuff, of course, in which case, go for it! 

You can also sit on a couch or chair (this is common when porn is involved), stand up (in shower environments, for example) or lay on your belly (perfect for humping strategies). You can even get creative: kick your legs up against the wall, kneel down over a towel, anything is possible. Remember: it’s all about you feeling good, so if it does, don’t hesitate to do it again. 

After the orgasm

As said earlier, guys tend to need a few moments, sometimes a lot more, to get sexually aroused again. Again, this is pure evolution: when the deed is done, there’s no immediate need to go at it another time. Some guys, especially younger specimens, may be able to hit it once more after a few minutes, some don’t even really have to stop at all. 

Whichever one you are, if you feel like doing another run, don’t hesitate, but if not, don’t feel bad. You may be slightly annoyed with yourself for not wanting to go another round, even though just moments earlier, you were horny beyond belief, but don’t worry, you’ll be back to your kinky little self in no time at all. 

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